Can I deport cancel my wife's I485 or depor her?

[RaymondWaters]

I need to know my options regarding how to handle my wife. Here's my story:

I met a Japanese woman on the internet, eventually visited her, applied for a K-1 Visa, brought her over here and got married. I applied for an I-485 AOS in November 2003 (we were married in July 2003). She had an interview scheduled in September 2004 but she skipped it because she was going to be 9 months pregnant (I sent a letter on her behalf and notfied the USCIS). She just had her fingerprints taken again and I imagine she'll have her new interview in the next 6 months.

Here's the problem: I was in love and completely ignored all of the warning signs that she had major issues (bad history of abuse from her father). So since the day we were married life has been extremely stressful. I would say I made mistake except for the fact we have a wonderful daughter. I'm not going to try and make you believe I'm a saint... we've both been bad but I have been willing to work on our relationship and she has refused to compromise at any point. She's threatened me with taking away our child back to Japan, divorce, suing me and etc... I told her she can have everything I have if she'll agree to give me full custody of our child but she refuses. She told me she would be willing to grant me this request if I gave her $175,000 up front and more money every month after that. I would if I could but I don't have financial resources like that. I have never laid a finger on her. I'm a very gentle person and I just can't take dealing with her anymore. She refused marriage counseling or medication. She calls me satan and because I told her before marriage my old girlfriend had an abortion, she calls me "Baby Killer" every time we have a fight. I'm dying here. She's called 911 several times and said I was going crazy when I was not. I've never even scratched her except some bruises on her wrists when she was trying to attack me and I grabbed her arms to stop her. She bit my arm so bad 5 months ago that I still have marks. She has shown considerable violence and I am helpless to do anything as the police assume I'm some kind of violent husband just because I'm a man.

I have no intention of taking her away from our child but I believe if she get's her green card and eventual US citizenship, she will have even more power over me, especially because I'm a man.

So, is there any way now that she has a pending I485 based on marriage to me to cancel her application and/or force her out of the country? If I can force her out, she will only be able to come back to this country as a visitor for 3 months at a time (of course she can visit and what not but I can't live without my precious daughter... I've heard of too many storis of spouses kidnapping a child and taking them back to their home country). I don't want to hur her, I just want to protect myself from her and I feel that this extreme situation may require extreme measure. Is divorce the best option? Somebody please help me. I entered into this marriage in good faith and things have gone from bad to worse. If you have had similar experiences please help me.

[immihelp]

Divorce her.

It would be best if you contact an attorney. Most of the issues you described are domestic issues and not immigration issues.

[guest123]

Try to work out your relationship

Hi, I am very sorry about situation in your family. Divorce is not an answer. If you didn't have children, that's fine. When you have a child, divorce will make suffer all of you guys. First of child, who needs full family - mother and father. Father will not be able to substitute mother and child needs as mother can. I think she's seting high requierments, because she knows you will not be able to provide what she asks for, in this case you will stay together. Try to be a little more patient with her and more caring. She is in foreign country, the only person she can rely on is you. Do not dictate her what she has to do and how to do it. Just be there for her and a daughter. Sit down together and try to remember all good and happy moments you had together and most important thing is learn to forgive. Marriage is hard work. When you are married there's no me and her anymore. Two of you are on the on the same page, especially when you have child, leave your lives for your daughter. If you create problems for her and force her out of country, the first victim will be your daughter. You can't take away mother from her. By legal law you can, but you do not have moral right to do so. What you will say to your daughter when she'll grow up? I took you away from your mother, because she was bad to me? What your mother means to you? How would you feel if your father took you away from mother?
I wish you guys luck and I hope you will make right decision.

[immihelp]

I agree with all that and I personally don't believe in divorce.

However, we are talking about immigration problems here.

[l07526]

just write to INS and cancel the application she can do nothing without you, you have the power to end it now, if you show up for the interview and she gets the green card she will have power to do more to you, come out of thet relationship and maybe one day the right deserving person will come along,

[Pinkie74]

I am not married. But from the story you articulated, clearly there is a problem that needs to be addressed. I am not sure if you have sought out counselling or filed any reports with the police. It is important that you document these situations and file complaints. You cannot afford to be passive if the situation gets as physical as you say it is.

If your "wife" is doing drugs she is already failing to meet the immigration requirements for any foreigner. I know that drugs are clearly a no no if it is established, proven.

Every story has two sides. So we get to read your side and I am sure she has her own side of the story.

In the same breath I don't feel that you should hold the fact that she is an immigrant and you want to look for ways to kick her out of the country. She is the mother of your child and that will always be. Regardless of whether she is a homeless person or not. Getting her evicted doesn't solve the problem.

You need to seek other avenues of resolution first. I would advice you to work with an attorney, marriage counselors- who have expirience with marriage between people of different cultures and nationality. It may not be to keep the marriage going, but to find a middle ground where you can either go your seperate way without having her threaten you.

It is also a very terrible situation as a foreigner to have someone hold that over you- that they can kick you out just like that. I also see caution in that, why would someone who knows they have a pending immigration I-485 to do anything to jeopardize the situation. Does she want to leave the country?

How are you addressing the situation? You know because her application is based on marriage she will need you to collarborate her claims of legit marriage.

Bottom line you need some outside help and advice on this matter. Don't act without exhausting other avenues. And if you are still in a problematic relationships it is not helping your daughter to be around either one of you. So thats another thought for you

Goodluck!

[notthebadguy]

Same story, almost

Raymond,
I really hope to hear from you, because I'd like to know what steps you've taken and how things are working out for you. My story is eerily similar to yours, except that I don't have an I-485 petition in process. My wife arrived from China in July 2003 on a K-1, we got married in October 2003, and we had a baby daughter in June 2004. But since our wedding, I've done nothing official in getting her a green card -- filed no forms, or anything. Why? Because almost from the day of her arrival, she's been hell to live with. I'm a very gentle guy, while my wife has a ferocious temper. I'll admit she's improved -- she no longer throws things at me, or yells at me until 3 AM. And it's been at least nine months since she's threatened to kill the baby and/or me, but it's the sort of thing you don't forget. I've hesitated to file for divorce out of fear that she might actually harm the baby. She refused marriage counselling, and out of fairness to her, her English is fairly poor, and the only bilingual counsellor that my insurance would cover would have been a long trip by commuter rail with a young baby in tow, back before I had a car. I worry that if I just tell her I don't want to live with her, she might make (false) allegations of spousal abuse, although the police have never come to our apartment, her only possible evidence might be testimony from our neighbors hearing us yell at each other.
Anyway, some questions I hope someone might respond to:
Does the long wait since our marriage make her ineligible for AOS? Can I call up the Immigration police and say, hey, I don't want her here and I'm fearful for my daughter's safety, can you come and put her in detention until she gets a removal hearing? What's it like to try to divorce someone who's living in another country? I don't want to hurt her, although I know being separated from her daughter would hurt her, I'd be willing to pay her reasonable alimony for life, it's just that our marriage isn't working and isn't likely to. And I need to do something quick, because she's getting impatient about not having received her green card. Help???

[lawready]

K1 spouse with gambling problem... PLEASE HELP!

I too have an immigrant wife who I plan to get deported! She came to the US on a K1 visa and by immigration law, we had 90 to marry which we went over. And we have never file for an adjustment-of-status. She is totally undocumented as an immigrant.

We now have 3 children in our 15 year marriage. Almost as soon as she got off the plane, she developed, (or already had) a thing for bingo, lottery, then into casino. Even as early as being pregnet with our first child, she was in the bingo circuit. This was the start of her gambling addition. For anyone who knows what it's like to be married to an alcoholic or a drugger, a gambling addition is pretty much the same thing. Things like taking money out of our bank account that was ear marked for utility bills; staying out 2 or 3 days at a time; if there is a doctor's appt. for one of our children that is on the same days as her casino appt her casino plans would comes first; often when she does loses her (our money) she bring home bad feelings that can easily turn her into an arguing frenzy- even literally while our children are eat at the table, or on the rug doing their homework; she would beg (demand) that I take her to bingo locations even though I had taken her there 4 or 5 days in a row; at times, I would give her a large sum of money ($300, $500, $1,000), and after 3 or 4 days, she would be at me again asking for more money after giving it away; while I am on disability on a back injury she still ask for money to gamble with; she even used money from the county welfare cash benefit program and gave away $800; even on some Christmas years, I would give her $1,000 a week prior to Xmas (by her request) as a Christmas present and on Christmas day she would expect to receive another present, and when I didnt have one for her, she literally ruins Xmas day for our three children (who I had already spend all the money on) by harboring bad feelings that turns us into arguing. Even on a lot of birthday occasions.

Even near the beginning of our marriage, she has made many repeated (threatening) statements like: "I want a divorce!" "I wish you would die!" "I hate you!" and degrading statements that belittles me in front of my children "sissy" "go back home to your mama" "F... your mother" etc.

I dont drink, smoke, or use profanity even while having arguements with here. I have never been arrested before in my entire life.

Just recently, we had (one of many) an argument that turn in to her screaming at everyone in the house that resulted into her pushing me in the presents of my children. To represent myself as a self respecting man, and as a protective father figure, I responded back by slapping her on the cheek. She fell down on the living room carpet, and acted like she just got hit by a truck. Next thing I know, I had 3 or 4 cop cars and an ambulance outside our house. I didnt have to go to jail because I had every right to defend myself, along with the fact that I have a clean police record. Not even a traffic ticket.

From that incident, I went to the courts to get a restraining order against her and to have her removed from the house because she is now a threat to my children, because she knows that I might retaliate by looking to get her deported after trying to put me in jail over her spousal abuse "911call" in an effort to win alimony money.

On our court date for the restraining order, I told the judge that our 15 year marriage has been ruin totally over her gambling addition, and that she is a K1 visa overstayer (no change of status filed) and that I plan on getting her deported. And I also gave the judge a couple of occasions where my wife introduced a ******* knife in a couple of recent arguments. One with her and my daughter, and one in an argument between my two boys over a beach ball of where she came into their bedroom with a large knife to resolve the issue by repeatedly stabbing the ball with the knife. After hearing our case, the judge gave her a two week moveout notice, and for me to pay $1200 a month. I didnt expect that to happen. I told the judge that I didnt have money to do that while on disability from my job. For some reason, I didnt like that decision of having to pay for her living place (gambling habit), and felt that it was a gender favortism issue. After getting little sleep, I woke up the next morning and realized that the judge saw something that I couldn't see at the time. The reason for here decision wasn't to favor my wife, it was an (unspoken) decision to protect my 3 kids. While being experienced as a Judge, she must have seen a potential for something really bad to happen if (when) I carryout my intentions of getting ICE to deport her. The judge must have calculated that the reason for my wife introducing a knife into arguments was my wife's way of showing me of what could happen if her name gets put on the plane ticket for deportation. This decision was a protective decision.

Thru out the years I tried scaring her by not sponsoring her for her GC unless she slowed down on the gambling, I tried to get her to go to marriage canceling. To this day, three homes later; our marriage (gambling) has gotten worse to where I have to get her deported, not for revenge but for the sake of my childrens upbrings and our family unity.

What is a decent man and father to do? What is the easiest, quickest, and cheapest way to solve this problem with this deportation?

Sign
K1 sponsor with INS interview stories tell.

[naynay]

To all of you

I understand that marriage gets bad at times. I for one am divorced. However I do believe that telling them you are going to get them deported is not helping. I know I wouldn't like that. Try to talk things through. I have 3 kids and I know I would go crazy without them. But kicking them out of the country does not mean you will keep the kids. Most of the time the mother will get custody. I only know one case where the father got custody. Not saying that there isn't more. Maybe they can go to Rehab? It hurts me to hear about these cases. I know a couple of people who would love to find such wonderful men.

[naynay]

If she gets deported, who gets the kids then Naynay? The kids are born here in the US, they are citizens. If there mother is deported it doesn't mean they get deported too. Plus this is 2007, many many many men get sole custody of their children , I happen to be one of them.

No I did no mean that men do not get the kids. Good for you. But I have seen cases where the mother gets deported and so do their US Citizen kids. Just thought I'd let him know. I know how hard it is to live with someone who is so violent. Been there done that, and I would never go through it again. It's too bad she is so bad. Get a lawyer, someone should be able to help him and get the kids.

[Tiger32]

Playing devil's advocate

Seems like a really bad situation. Just so you don't forget these aspects:

1. First of all, you can't deport your wife, only an immigration judge can deport her. Of course she needs you to complete her AOS.

2. DOn't put it past her to build up a case of abuse. If she does so, she can acquire a green card if she can prove physical and mental abuse.

Good luck.

[poisontee]

Seems like a really bad situation. Just so you don't forget these aspects:

1. First of all, you can't deport your wife, only an immigration judge can deport her. Of course she needs you to complete her AOS.

2. DOn't put it past her to build up a case of abuse. If she does so, she can acquire a green card if she can prove physical and mental abuse.

Good luck.

I agree with you Tiger32.

The best thing to do in such a situation is TO JUST PART WAYS!
Its a total waste of time to try have someone deported Just because you are Not getting along anymore. After all, Immigration really don't care if you are getting along or Not. They will Just care to see if you were marriage for real which in your case it looks like it was a real marriage to begin with.

it Hurts But Just Live her alone. Divorce and look for someone who will treat you well and your kids.

Good luck!

[JMC]

Black Mail

That woman should go to jail for what she doing! She is useing her child as black mail to get money from possible ex hubby. Cant any one see that?! How can a woman do that??!! That is wrong and that is illegal to do in the USA. DOC you can take her to court and get your child. I dont think any judge would be mad at you bout having her I485 canceled. She will be deported for doing so and if the child is born in the states is stays in the states.

[lakrema]

On deporting a wife

Look, man, a few people have given you some good, sane advices. However, the final decision will be yours. If I were in your case, taking into consideration all the trouble you have gone through to bring this ungrateful woman into this country, if it is true what you say about her, she is not appreciative of what you have done for her and your family. She does not seem to be the woman you need. Hey, man, I feel for you and I don't know you. I am going through the adjustment of status process myself. My wife has been in the U.S. for about a month. Even though we have two children already and we have known each other for about 5 1/2 years, now that I am spending real time with her, I have my eyes PEELED. If I see any sign that she is here for other reasons besides her love for me and our family, SHE IS GONE!

My advice to you is:

Contact the right people at INS and do what you have to do to make things right. Don't put your good hands on her. Be careful!


Good luck!


Nelson