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  • Private marriage for a same sex couple

    Hey guys, long story short. I'm a petitioner who legally entered the U.S. in 2008 and haven't left since (10 years of continuous presence, not that it matters in my case). Met my husband in 2016 and we got married in 2018 in a private ceremony. Both of my parents are in my home country. Though they know (suspect) that I'm gay (I'm 30 now and have never had a girlfriend haha), they're not supportive of my "lifestyle". As the only child, I'm close to my parents, but when it comes to my sexual orientation, there's nothing that they can do to change it. I plan on disclosing it at a more appropriate time but it's unlikely that they'll fully come around before my interview this year. (I haven't been back for 10 years. If the first thing I tell them is that I married a guy, they would really get disappointed. Think about it.)

    My husband is from a Catholic family, his parents are divorced. His mother knows he's gay but we're not sure how to tell his family about our marriage.

    My question is, are the private ceremony and the lack of knowledge from both of our parents a red flag? I think this is really a unique situation faced by many same sex couples. Being able to be who I am is one of the reason I stayed in the U.S after all these years before I met my husband. Other than these two things, we have a pretty normal marriage, with shared finances, almost daily outings (dinner together), etc. I don't think USCIS will call my parents about my marriage, but they may have suspicion on my husband's side. I'm certain the documents we have and the connection between us can pass the interview, but if our officer is fixated on this parents thing, I'm worried that we may run into trouble.

    Just to be clear, both of us are "out" to the extent that we're comfortable with. Since I spent my 20s in the U.S., all of my friends here know, so do my old high school classmates back in my country. Coming out to friends / classmates is very different than coming out to one's parents. Coming out to parents is different than getting married to a same sex partner. (My parents still wanted me to marry a female and have a normal family with grandkids after they slowly came around to the fact that I'm "probably" gay.)

    Worse comes to worst, we'll let both of our parents know that we're married. It's our life. But we'd rather do it on our own schedule and not cause any havoc in our marriage.

    Just asking for advices. Does anyone have any similar experience? I know being truthful is the best answer. Hopefully our explanation will convince our interviewer if our marriage is not disclosed to our parents by the time of the interview.

  • #2
    That is actually a VERY good question! My husband and I eloped so there wasn't any family at our wedding. In fact my family did not even know I was dating anyone, let alone getting married until at least 5 months after the marriage, and they only found out by accident. I have my own reasons for not telling them and my husband had his reasons... I would assume that USCIS would understand that that is just how life is. But I haven't been through the whole process so I have no idea if this can be considered a red flag. I'll be following this thread!

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    • #3
      I don't think they're going to ask about your parents. If they do, tell them the things you wrote here. Be honest. It's well known that it's actually illegal to be gay in many countries. I think you don't need to worry.
      Marriage to USC, B2 Visitor AOS filed at NBC
      Concurrent i485, i130, i765, i131
      9/27/2018: RD/PD
      10/2/2018: Fingerprint Fee
      10/4/2018: Notice Date all
      10/12/2018: Bio Notice Date
      10/29/2018: Bio Appt
      2/7/2019: i693 Courtesy Letter date
      3/12/2019: i485 Ready to be scheduled for interview
      5/3/2019: second i765 Out of normal processing time SR
      5/15/2019: raised ombudsman SR
      5/20/2019: EAD was mailed day 235

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      • #4
        I don't think that matters if the marriage is real. My husband and I decided to eloped in Vegas, for the cost of a wedding and the reality that it was him and I getting married, not everyone else, and it was the best decision ever. After we did it we told the rest of our families.
        In my opinion, you have the right not to tell if you are gay to your parents, further more not to mention that you are married. Support the marriage with affidavits of friends, and if the officers ask, tell them the true. Good luck in the interview!
        Married to USC West Palm Beach
        1/25/19 I485, I765, I130
        1/28/19 Package Delivered
        2/4/19 Received via text that case received
        2/7/19 Received I797 mail for all files
        2/15/19 Received mail for Biometrics scheduled for 2/25
        2/25/19 Bio Done
        4/23/19 Case is ready to be Scheduled for an Interview (i485)
        6/21/2019 Interview was Schedule Mail for 7/29/19
        7/17/2019 New Card is Being Produced
        7/24/2019 EAD arrived
        7/29/2019 Interview

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