Psychological aspects of AOS

[historian]

Hi all,

This may be an unusual topic for this forum (admins, please delete if against the rules), but I have no one else with whom to discuss this. Presumably most people in this forum are in the process of applying for a green card and waiting for this (long) "journey" to be over. How do you feel about it? Do you feel like you "deserve" a green card? Do you feel like you merely "need" it to live a normal life in the US? Is it a "dream" of yours? Do you have any emotional attachments to this process?

In my case, I've been living in the US for 17+ years (all kinds of visas, F1s, H-1Bs, etc.; and I'm not even from one of the countries subject to excessive timelines). I've gone through different phases of hope, frustration with the immigration system in this country, gratitude for being able to fulfill many dreams of mine, but also feeling like I'm not sure it's worth it, yet also feeling like I've been here for "too" long and invested "too" much. I now have a family and a child born here, which has changed a lot of things. It's no longer just about me, but how to keep my family together and do the best for my child.

Anyway, I was curious about other people's thoughts and experiences.

Hoping the "journey" comes to a successful completion for everyone here!

[LPR82020]

historian thanks for starting this thread. For my part, I’ve now lived here in U.S. for 23 years at the end of this month. Came as an F1 student immediately after high school but life events i.e. unplanned child, made it challenging for me to maintain that status. I eventually stopped going to school, and have been an overstayer. I raised my daughter and she sponsored me. It Loooong was a long wait to get to age 21 with lots of uncertainty and anxiety during that time. Although I had a DL and SSN, and job that gave me a career in travel and now tech, of course everything was tenuous. Whether anyone thinks I deserve it or not, the truth is I have spent my entire adult life here, and lived here longer than my country of birth. I am grateful to now after 8 month AOS application process have official permanent residence and right on time. With the new license rules and travel ID restrictions in play beginning 2021, it would have been nearly impossible to stay after my current license expired next year. So for me, it is a relief, a weight off my shoulders, and an answered prayer that I can keep the life I’ve built here.

[notpatientanymore]

Not worth it. This country does not recognize talent. Not worth spending mental and emotional energy on something like this. Better to move on in life and if possible relocate to another country which really needs skilled workers and would gladly provide citizenship
it’s not worth spending our most productive years worrying about renewing visa of all things. Yuck.

[Tibwa]

I feel your pain. I have been here for a full 19 years ( F1- OPT, H1-Bs and now TPS) while I am grateful and blessed to have been able to always maintain some sort of legal status but this process is draining and stressful. Married with 3 kids ( one in college), I have been blessed to be able to maintain a job and provide for my family but I sometime ask if this wait really worth it. My Dad is US citizen. He applied for me since 12/07/2008 and approved on 05/20/2010. I finally start the AOS last May and still waiting ( biometrics completed). It makes no sense to keep someone with this level of uncertainty for so long.

The immigration system is VERY flawed. People who do not have my education, my income level and my simulation in the system and come way later after me can vote while I am still in LIMBO. This is pure BS.

[historian]

historian thanks for starting this thread. For my part, I’ve now lived here in U.S. for 23 years at the end of this month. Came as an F1 student immediately after high school but life events i.e. unplanned child, made it challenging for me to maintain that status. I eventually stopped going to school, and have been an overstayer. I raised my daughter and she sponsored me. It Loooong was a long wait to get to age 21 with lots of uncertainty and anxiety during that time. Although I had a DL and SSN, and job that gave me a career in travel and now tech, of course everything was tenuous. Whether anyone thinks I deserve it or not, the truth is I have spent my entire adult life here, and lived here longer than my country of birth. I am grateful to now after 8 month AOS application process have official permanent residence and right on time. With the new license rules and travel ID restrictions in play beginning 2021, it would have been nearly impossible to stay after my current license expired next year. So for me, it is a relief, a weight off my shoulders, and an answered prayer that I can keep the life I’ve built here.

What a story! I'm glad it worked out for you and your daughter was able to sponsor you. I hope she realizes all the sacrifices you've made as a parent. Enjoy your newfound freedom and all the best to you and yours!

[historian]

Not worth it. This country does not recognize talent. Not worth spending mental and emotional energy on something like this. Better to move on in life and if possible relocate to another country which really needs skilled workers and would gladly provide citizenship
it’s not worth spending our most productive years worrying about renewing visa of all things. Yuck.

That's totally understandable. Things are so much easier in many European countries, maybe even overly so, and Canada has a much more sensible system.

[historian]

I feel your pain. I have been here for a full 19 years ( F1- OPT, H1-Bs and now TPS) while I am grateful and blessed to have been able to always maintain some sort of legal status but this process is draining and stressful. Married with 3 kids ( one in college), I have been blessed to be able to maintain a job and provide for my family but I sometime ask if this wait really worth it. My Dad is US citizen. He applied for me since 12/07/2008 and approved on 05/20/2010. I finally start the AOS last May and still waiting ( biometrics completed). It makes no sense to keep someone with this level of uncertainty for so long.

The immigration system is VERY flawed. People who do not have my education, my income level and my simulation in the system and come way later after me can vote while I am still in LIMBO. This is pure BS.

Wow, in person I hadn't met anyone who'd been in a legal status for as long as I have w/o having a green card. I knew these people must exist, but I haven't met one in person. You have me "beat." My "journey" looks like this: B2 (not counted towards the 17 years), delay of one year, F1, F1-OPT, H-1B, F1, F1-OPT, H-1B. First H-1B job offered green card sponsorship-- I was young and wanted to pursue my dreams and walked away to pursue grad school and didn't want to be stuck at that job for 6 years. Thought somehow it would work itself out if I just pursue my dreams. It didn't. Second H-1B negotiated permanent residency sponsorship. They started the process and made so many mistakes and delays for other reasons (like couldn't post the job for months because they were switching to a new job advertising system; the immigration lawyer was on leave for a while, then left; prevailing wage expired; search expired; has to be started all over again..). Whole thing fell through. Meanwhile I got married to a USC and thought that should be the fastest anyway and I'd rather depend on my husband than my employer. Well, Covid hit... So, at times I'm starting to wonder if it was "meant" to be at all for me.. Now I have my dream job for real, but like you said, the state of limbo absolutely sucks. It's limited me in all kinds of ways, but I'm also grateful I've been able to accomplish so much with the restrictions I've had to deal with.

That is insane you've had to wait for so long! I haven't had to wait for quite that long (yet), but I have had similar thoughts in regards to people who've not even lived here yet getting a GC faster and with much less effort than me. But fundamentally, I've come to realize that it's not fair, indeed. The process isn't fair and life isn't fair, and that's just life. It's very frustrating, but it is what it is.

I wish you well and I hope things will come to a successful end soon for you and you can freely enjoy all the great blessings in your life!

[historian]

historian thanks for starting this thread. For my part, I’ve now lived here in U.S. for 23 years at the end of this month. Came as an F1 student immediately after high school but life events i.e. unplanned child, made it challenging for me to maintain that status. I eventually stopped going to school, and have been an overstayer. I raised my daughter and she sponsored me. It Loooong was a long wait to get to age 21 with lots of uncertainty and anxiety during that time. Although I had a DL and SSN, and job that gave me a career in travel and now tech, of course everything was tenuous. Whether anyone thinks I deserve it or not, the truth is I have spent my entire adult life here, and lived here longer than my country of birth. I am grateful to now after 8 month AOS application process have official permanent residence and right on time. With the new license rules and travel ID restrictions in play beginning 2021, it would have been nearly impossible to stay after my current license expired next year. So for me, it is a relief, a weight off my shoulders, and an answered prayer that I can keep the life I’ve built here.

Did you celebrate in any way after getting the GC?

[historian]

I feel your pain. I have been here for a full 19 years ( F1- OPT, H1-Bs and now TPS) while I am grateful and blessed to have been able to always maintain some sort of legal status but this process is draining and stressful. Married with 3 kids ( one in college), I have been blessed to be able to maintain a job and provide for my family but I sometime ask if this wait really worth it. My Dad is US citizen. He applied for me since 12/07/2008 and approved on 05/20/2010. I finally start the AOS last May and still waiting ( biometrics completed). It makes no sense to keep someone with this level of uncertainty for so long.

The immigration system is VERY flawed. People who do not have my education, my income level and my simulation in the system and come way later after me can vote while I am still in LIMBO. This is pure BS.

Also, in addition to it being draining and stressful, it's also damn expensive!

[LPR82020]

What a story! I'm glad it worked out for you and your daughter was able to sponsor you. I hope she realizes all the sacrifices you've made as a parent. Enjoy your newfound freedom and all the best to you and yours!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

She does realize now what a precarious situation we were in, but at the time she was quite oblivious...by design. I didn’t tell her anything about my status until she was 20 and in college. I didn’t want her to carry such a burden that was not of her making, and I knew she has Auntie’s who would swooped in had anything gone down.

yes, I have been celebrating GC nonstop since I saw the update the card was being produced!! I hope your case comes to a close soon as well!

[historian]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

She does realize now what a precarious situation we were in, but at the time she was quite oblivious...by design. I didn’t tell her anything about my status until she was 20 and in college. I didn’t want her to carry such a burden that was not of her making, and I knew she has Auntie’s who would swooped in had anything gone down.

yes, I have been celebrating GC nonstop since I saw the update the card was being produced!! I hope your case comes to a close soon as well!

That must've been a very difficult situation. Glad it all worked out. Now as a parent I of course understand all the sacrifices that parents make. I'm sure your daughter was shocked but it probably would've introduced a lot of uncertainty in her life to know about that as a kid.

Thank you! I do hope we'll see some progress soon. I'm losing hope at times, with everything else going on. I used to say that one of the first things I'll do if I ever get a green card is to get a job at Starbucks because I CAN! Haha. Now, with Covid, not so sure. I think I would just be majorly relieved.

[LPR82020]

That must've been a very difficult situation. Glad it all worked out. Now as a parent I of course understand all the sacrifices that parents make. I'm sure your daughter was shocked but it probably would've introduced a lot of uncertainty in her life to know about that as a kid.

Thank you! I do hope we'll see some progress soon. I'm losing hope at times, with everything else going on. I used to say that one of the first things I'll do if I ever get a green card is go to get a job at Starbucks because I CAN! Haha. Now, with Covid, not so sure. I think I would just be majorly relieved.

HaHa! How funny! I hear ya. Can relate all too well. I too had wanted to apply to bed bath and beyond or Costco for weekend hours for the employee discounts benefit myself right after I got EAD, but alas COVID!! I’ve been too nervous. So Just sticking with my work from home situation for now.

My daughter and I will also be taking a trip together to my country of birth. First time I’m able to visit outside US in 23 years.