Tweet
Hi all
This forum helped me massively during the whole move to the States (I'm from the UK), so I guess this is now my time to ask a question.
I got married in May 2016 and I currently have a conditional green card.
Completed the interview in November 2017, so my CR green card expires this November.
So- the love of my life was hiding the fact she was an alcoholic while dating long distance. When I met her, she was working in a winery (for a very low salary) and I told her that the drinking was a dealbreaker, along with helping her realize that working in a winery was also counterproductive to her goal of stopping. They practically paid in wine. She eventually started a new job as a customer service rep at a tech startup. Was great.
After broken promises of therapy and sobriety, what I endured was a lonely and often unstable life at home with her. Constant lying and staying out drinking. Her family members turned against me the minute I asked them to help her. She called it controlling. We argued and I started becoming depressed. I took small jobs in catering and waitressing.
In 2017, I landed an excellent job but her drinking and mistreatment were disrupting my life. My grandmother passed away and I was unable to get back to London to attend the funeral. It was traumatic and instead of my spouse being there, she went to a bar the same day and stayed out until 3 am. It was the last straw. I went back to London for 3 months to stay at my family home and recoup.
When I went back to the States to seek a divorce and file taxes with her, she was reluctant. Meanwhile, her salary kept going up. We tried therapy, I slept on my friend's couch. I went on job interviews and tried to see how I could make it work still. My friend could no longer host me and I moved back in with my wife who started a 'sober life' with the help of regular therapy.
The arguments and family resentment never stopped. I came back to London with a temporary job offer and just ran for it. We talked on the phone and she begged me to come back as things would be different, better in every way.
From July 2018 - October 2018 I went to live with her and try again. I was applying for lots of jobs and also studying on my own savings. She got another salary increase, and her work life seemed to be going so well. But she would condescend me and scream at me in public. She was angry about having to pay for our rent. The therapist was suddenly not needed and her drinking became harder to hide. I asked to consider an amicable divorce but this was off the table.
When I came back in October for my mother's 70th, I discovered she was sleeping with the HR Manager. I flew back to collect my belongings and immediately her lawyer was in touch to get me to sign a waiver for any equitable distribution. Basically, to sign to me agreeing I won't ask for any money. She fears this the most as her salary went up 200% since we met, and I'm unemployed.
Divorce is all she wants now. I'm being pressured daily to sign this paper. I wasted my savings, my money on the immigration paperwork, and my time. I have no base in the US so I have to stay at my family home here in England for now.
I'm also nervous I'll lose my green card, or worse - my right to return as a tourist, and I have NO idea how to apply alone. We will still be married for 3 years next month.
Does anyone have any advice as to how and when I should apply to extend my green card, or even if it is better to hand it back so I'm at least able to visit my family? I'm totally stuck with what to do next... and the time to send off for my conditions to be lifted is August.
Thank you so much if you read all of that!
This forum helped me massively during the whole move to the States (I'm from the UK), so I guess this is now my time to ask a question.
I got married in May 2016 and I currently have a conditional green card.
Completed the interview in November 2017, so my CR green card expires this November.
So- the love of my life was hiding the fact she was an alcoholic while dating long distance. When I met her, she was working in a winery (for a very low salary) and I told her that the drinking was a dealbreaker, along with helping her realize that working in a winery was also counterproductive to her goal of stopping. They practically paid in wine. She eventually started a new job as a customer service rep at a tech startup. Was great.
After broken promises of therapy and sobriety, what I endured was a lonely and often unstable life at home with her. Constant lying and staying out drinking. Her family members turned against me the minute I asked them to help her. She called it controlling. We argued and I started becoming depressed. I took small jobs in catering and waitressing.
In 2017, I landed an excellent job but her drinking and mistreatment were disrupting my life. My grandmother passed away and I was unable to get back to London to attend the funeral. It was traumatic and instead of my spouse being there, she went to a bar the same day and stayed out until 3 am. It was the last straw. I went back to London for 3 months to stay at my family home and recoup.
When I went back to the States to seek a divorce and file taxes with her, she was reluctant. Meanwhile, her salary kept going up. We tried therapy, I slept on my friend's couch. I went on job interviews and tried to see how I could make it work still. My friend could no longer host me and I moved back in with my wife who started a 'sober life' with the help of regular therapy.
The arguments and family resentment never stopped. I came back to London with a temporary job offer and just ran for it. We talked on the phone and she begged me to come back as things would be different, better in every way.
From July 2018 - October 2018 I went to live with her and try again. I was applying for lots of jobs and also studying on my own savings. She got another salary increase, and her work life seemed to be going so well. But she would condescend me and scream at me in public. She was angry about having to pay for our rent. The therapist was suddenly not needed and her drinking became harder to hide. I asked to consider an amicable divorce but this was off the table.
When I came back in October for my mother's 70th, I discovered she was sleeping with the HR Manager. I flew back to collect my belongings and immediately her lawyer was in touch to get me to sign a waiver for any equitable distribution. Basically, to sign to me agreeing I won't ask for any money. She fears this the most as her salary went up 200% since we met, and I'm unemployed.
Divorce is all she wants now. I'm being pressured daily to sign this paper. I wasted my savings, my money on the immigration paperwork, and my time. I have no base in the US so I have to stay at my family home here in England for now.
I'm also nervous I'll lose my green card, or worse - my right to return as a tourist, and I have NO idea how to apply alone. We will still be married for 3 years next month.
Does anyone have any advice as to how and when I should apply to extend my green card, or even if it is better to hand it back so I'm at least able to visit my family? I'm totally stuck with what to do next... and the time to send off for my conditions to be lifted is August.
Thank you so much if you read all of that!
Comment