White girls and Indian guys in the USA

[teri]

I am a 32-year old female Scottish tourist and businesswoman, and have been traveling and working in India for five months. Given the recent news highlighting the behavior of Indian men towards foreign female tourists, I have decided to write to you with the experiences I have encountered during my travels.

I have found most Indian men to be respectful and courteous, especially in the north, where in smaller villages and in rural areas there is a true sense of genuine decency and kindness from the local people. However, on reaching the larger towns and cities, such as Chennai and more notably Bangalore, which prides itself on being a modern, forward thinking and cosmopolitan city, I have experienced a very different and much less appealing side to India.

In Chennai, for example, my husband and I were asked to be joined at our table by a small group of gentlemen who seemed to be interested in our travels and reasons for visiting their country. We were more than happy to chat with them; however, I became increasingly more uncomfortable as the gentleman sitting next to me touched my leg. At first I thought this to be an innocent mistake, but his intentions soon became clear when he proceeded to ask completely inappropriate questions regarding my sex life.

Disgusted with this behavior, we left the restaurant, only to be followed along the street and propositioned by another member of the group on his motorbike. The gentleman's excuse for his behavior was that the believed western women to promiscuous and that this should be acceptable! I found this to be highly offensive and was left with an insight of a very seedy side of India and a bad impression of Chennai men, which is off-putting me both in a travel and business sense.

In Bangalore, similar behavior was encountered when myself and my husband went to a stylish bar frequented by both men and women. A group of young men approached us to chat about our visit. When my husband left for only two minutes to use the toilet, one gentleman immediately touched my face and hair. I pushed him away and made my objections very clear and when my husband returned, we decided to leave. However, as we were leaving, another gentleman in the group made led and suggestive comments, further adding to my embarrassment and insult. Again, I was left with a feeling of distaste and an evening ruined.

It is ironic that a city which is striving to be one of the world's leading business and commerce hub complete with its sophisticated, modern bars and restaurants, should embarrass and alienate itself in such a poor manner. It poses the question, "Why are many of its men still stuck in the dark ages?" And so, sadly, it will struggle to compete with the rest of the world in business and tourism whilst it still holds this highly offensive attitude towards half the world's population.

I have experienced a number of other incidences of being grouped or harassed during my travels, and many of my female friends who have also traveled throughout India have had similar experiences. It is ironic that in India's holy Puri, I was jeered at by a couple of men as they passed on their motorbike.
(Would these men act in a similar way towards Indian women?) In a country which prides itself on its moral chastity and often casts a critical eye over western "Hollywood" behavior, I sadly sense an air of hypocrisy.

So, while I leave India with a multitude of fond memories of its fascinating and diverse culture, wildlife, spirituality and natural beauty, I am also leaving with a slightly tarnished impression due to the behavior and ignorance of a minority of its men.

(Please note that on all these occasions I was modestly and conservatively dressed, respecting Indian culture. I have read comments on many similar articles that women who were subjected to sexual harassment were somehow provocatively dressed or behaving in some flirtatious manner, leading these 'poor' men astray. To me this seems like an unhelpful and poor justification to allow this behavior to continue; however, I would like to set the matter straight that this was certainly not the case.)

[bheja]

Tera
I express my apologies for all the crap you had to go through in these so called booming cities of India. I also express my sincere thanks to you for not just pointing out the bad but still praising the good experiences which many people irrespective of ethnicity lack. I must say some people from these states grow in a very repressed environment for which they don't really get even chances to considerably even befriend the other gender. Again it depends on family background too. Some creepy people exist everywhere. I again agree with you that the people from the countrysides would be more decent. But that doesn't make all Indian men as lewd as they are.

[rush1615]

I agree that due to tradition and culture, they don't have fun with indian women. So, to satisfy their sexual pleasure, they go with white women. Few people believe that White women get easily pleased and they like to show off their body. That maybe the problem for terra. I also agree that some guys are bad and they are like goon. But it is more depend on the impression for white women.
Indian women are not fat and mean. They are the most caring women, and they need their family to be happy. They don't want any of their family member to become victim of some girl. And who told that "women are powerless". They are not powerless, they are with control, with family values. The same is with indian parents. They don't want their son to fall in hands of white women. In india, white women are believed to be more wild and more free(than necessary). contrary to indian women, they don't have respect for elders and do what they think is right. So, I believe that indian guys are more attracted to indian women and vice versa(than few American-borned indians)...No offense to anyone

[rachelson]

Wrong.. all wrong..

First of all, this letter was written to Jamie Foster-Brown, editor of magazine Sister 2 Sister Magazine, concerning BLACK men, NOT indian men.

Did none of you notice the examples she gave:
"Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius,Berry Gordy, BillyBlanks, Larry Fishburne, Jesley Snipes...I could go on and on."

They are ALL black men.

Not only that, but read the examples BLACK (not Indian) Royalty gave of the Egyptian Queens... What does that have to do with Indian women?? Absolutely nothing...

To read the REAL letter and REAL response, here's the link:

http://www.agoodblackman.com/mantalk_blkroyalty.shtml

[knowledgeable]

And the saga continues ...

...

[fezf28]

Indian people!!

I am Indian, but Guyanese...
Indian people are way to connected with there culture which makes them idiots...but i guest some of my people are different but overall the ones who try to meet people from other races are usually really nice people.
Warning- Don't trust the ones that are religious (Hindu's). Its 50/50 chances

I am Indian, but I am bored of my people they too connected to their culture and suppress women.

So my choices are Asians- (non-Indians), Black and White ETC....
I am too different from my people and I can't be like them..and plus I am an atheist.
This will be hard because of all this stereotype of Indian people.

[txh1b]

This will be hard because of all this stereotype of Indian people.

...and you seem to top the list of people that do stereotype!

[rohini27]

gullible???

Hello,
I have to say both of you have stated some good points. "Brainwashing" happens within its own race too. I am white and I've always been told it'd be good if I'd marry a guy with my nationality. Living in a cultured society I have myself become aquainted with different people, their morals, and values which have reshaped the views of "my" people - who are normally considered or stereotyped as easy. Well my family is a little different and I am a 27 year old woman who is a virgin and is dating an Indian man. As I understand the norm being that "white" girls are "easier" than other types - then how is it that after a fwe months this indian guy is stil with me. I will admit that in the back of my head I keep thinking the worst, not accepting this relationship fully knowing what I've read and heard. Now this white girl being easy thing -- it has nothing to do with being easy, it does have to do with how we are brought up. I come from a white, eastern european family and I was always told to be smart I have to read (so I do it), to be respected by a man I have not to give myself to him (I haven't)...personally I want my husband to be the only one to touch me.

I think it all comes down to ones own values. I don't want to be labeled as some cheap "romp" - I have a friend who sleeps around and the bad rep is getting to me even though I have yet to experience the "pleasure". Many Arabic... christian adn muslim girls are brought up the same yet I know of a fwe that have done it countless times. I know of Indian girls that have.

[rharmon80]

I am white and seeing an Indian Man

Frankly, my relationship with him scares me. I didn't jump into this relationship - he has won me over with his personality, his kindness, and his ability to accept me for who I am. But I am worried because in the end he might have to move to India, he is on his student visa still...and well, I might just be falling in love with him for who he is...not his race...not his background...and not his money. I am worried he won't want to marry me because I am white...and so different.

[leessa]

Let me set it straight. Indian men love light skin(so do the women). We white girls are far prettier han any Indian girls.(Only what I have been told by many Indian men)Not that we are easy. There are plenty of easy Indian girls. The maids are usually used for sex in the homes there. Indian women are money hungry and are not raised to love but to marry for money. The marriages take place after a few brief encounters and some still arranged by the parents or actual marriage brokers. Love has no place in their lives. They force themselves to believe they love their men but really only love the children they give birth to and will smoother their children (especially the boys) for the lack of love they get or have for their husband. Our light skin is something they all desire in India. When the women are pregnant they drink certain tea's thinking it will make the baby lighter. It is considered something great to have white skin. They try to make it a taboo to be with white women because if they didn't most of the Indian women would be left without a husband. When a good looking Indian man with money is married to some fat ugly nasty women he can't even have sex with but has to be married to because of social rules there is a problem with the thinking.I myself I have learned a great deal after being with an Indian. He is the love of my life and I do for him as he does for me.I can tell you, he does not order me ever and will do anything for me. He left his Indian wife 3 months before we met. He never wanted to be near her in any way sexually and they did nothing together unless it was forced. He can honestly say he feels love from me that he never felt from a women and he also has feelings for me he never felt before. So here is the truth straight from Indian history. Don't believe some bitter Indian women who is trying to bash white people when the truth is they try to look like us, act like us and dress like us. They are the ones that marry a man they don't know for the money they have, that seems more like a form of prostitution and the parents actually pay the men to marry them. Hmmmmmmmmm!!

Good Luck to all, peace

[eelo]

I am a 32-year old female Scottish tourist and businesswoman, and have been traveling and working in India for five months. Given the recent news highlighting the behavior of Indian men towards foreign female tourists, I have decided to write to you with the experiences I have encountered during my travels.

Disgusted with this behavior, we left the restaurant, only to be followed along the street and propositioned by another member of the group on his motorbike. The gentleman's excuse for his behavior was that the believed western women to promiscuous and that this should be acceptable! I found this to be highly offensive and was left with an insight of a very seedy side of India and a bad impression of Chennai men, which is off-putting me both in a travel and business sense.

In Bangalore, similar behavior was encountered when myself and my husband went to a stylish bar frequented by both men and women. A group of young men approached us to chat about our visit. When my husband left for only two minutes to use the toilet, one gentleman immediately touched my face and hair. I pushed him away and made my objections very clear and when my husband returned, we decided to leave. However, as we were leaving, another gentleman in the group made led and suggestive comments, further adding to my embarrassment and insult. Again, I was left with a feeling of distaste and an evening ruined.

(Please note that on all these occasions I was modestly and conservatively dressed, respecting Indian culture. I have read comments on many similar articles that women who were subjected to sexual harassment were somehow provocatively dressed or behaving in some flirtatious manner, leading these 'poor' men astray. To me this seems like an unhelpful and poor justification to allow this behavior to continue; however, I would like to set the matter straight that this was certainly not the case.)

-------------------

I was in India for 17 days in March, and had a DELIGHTFUL time despite the fact that I could not walk 5 feet without my boyfriend at the time (we are both Americans) escorting me, and even then we were mobbed by hundreds of beggars and locals who were so curious about our light skin. I am blonde and honestly I am a very good-looking woman. My ex-boyfriend unfortunately was (and still is) an alcoholic and was extremely verbally abusive to me throughout the trip. He would frequently fight with me in public and in front of our driver. Our driver throughout the trip was a very sweet and I thought, very noble fellow ... 35 years old and funny, interesting, and sensitive. Can you see where this is leading ... ? After 5 days and my intense need to be rescued/saved from my evil ex-boyfriend, I developed a powerful crush on our driver, although I figured it would lead nowhere.

The Indian people are so rude and hateful to the drivers and people they consider (or who are) lower class/caste. At a hotel in Jaipur, the owner (a rich land-owner's wife) was shocked that I even asked where the driver would sleep, since they did not have a room for him. She really could not care less about this person's well-being. The driver told us he sometimes sleeps outdoors if he has no money, and the rooms he does get are filthy and roach-infested. He is not allowed to go into any hotels and many restaurants, and most people treat him like garbage. AND he is stuck with 3 kids and since they do not know anything about birth control (he is from a small farming community near Agra), he is afraid to go home and get his wife pregnant again. He stated clearly that there is "no love in arranged marriage," and said that he did not even see his wife's face until the second day of the wedding ceremony!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOO, my heart went out to him even more. Look at the two of us, trampled down by society!!

On top of that, he seemed to have an aura of spiritual grace and took us to many temples and often went to do pujas on his own. This really was the kicker for me. In any case, I could tell he was getting very attached to us, somewhat unhealthily so. I figured he was very lonely and isolated b/c of his position in society, which he clearly was not happy about, and his prolonged absences from his home and family. The other thing is that his damn Western tourist guests had introduced him to alcohol 3 years ago, and he was bugging my ex-boyfriend to drink with him all the time. My ex-boyfriend did drink with him twice, outside in the hotel parking lot, and I once shared a cigarette and a whisky with them -- which totally shocked (and probably turned him on).

Anyway, long story short, he continued to call us periodically after our return, telling us he missed us and asking us to come back and visit India. I broke up with my ex 12 weeks ago this Sunday. About 3 weeks after the breakup, the driver found out about the breakup from my ex, at which time he called me at 3 am to tell me he always liked me, and asked me to come to India and have sex with him!! I was totally shocked and said "why don't you find a girlfriend in India; I am not a prostitute! (Which is what they all think; I asked him about this in India and he said all the drivers do think that, and he did too until he met nice Western guests).

ANOTHER long story short, I have been periodically lonely and bit messed up, detoxing from my toxic ex-boyfriend, so I ended up calling the driver back and telling him I loved him, and asking him if he loved me too or if he just wanted to have sex with me b/c I am a white woman. He said he has never talked openly about sex ever before with a woman and never slept with anyone besides his wife. But he continued to press me quite aggressively to decide whether I would sleep with him (just once, he insisted!!) and to pull passive-aggressive tactics on me; i.e. saying I lied to him, I broke his heart, nobody understands him, he was forced into arranged marriage, women always play games with men and break their hearts, yada yada yada. Really I feel he was taking advantage of my vulnerability when I was in a very precarious spot. SO THEN I end up booking a ticket for next May with my air miles and promising to give him $2,000 to buy a car! His life-long dream. FINALLY I come to my senses at this point, start freaking out, and text message him and tell him the relationship is over; he is married and clearly an alcoholic; I will not cheat on his wife with him; there will be no $2,000 coming from me, and I am probably not coming to India unless I come with a boyfriend/husband to escort me. He got pissed at me but I stuck to my guns. I recently met a new guy (white American, 35 years old) and texted my Indian friend to tell him, and to say I could not call him for a long while, since my phone bill was around $400! So out of control this whole situation was. He just texted me back this morning to say "why play the game" which PISSED me off ... since he was the one playing the passive-aggressive, male domination game. What an *******. I am very disappointed b/c I am DYING to go to Valley of Flowers in the Himalayas, but it looks like I will need to wait, and definitely find another driver. I am also sad b/c "why can't we all just get along" and be friends, but as our driver was fond of saying, "this is Kali Yug" that we are in -- meaning a dark, evil time in human civilization, and true friends and noble husbands/boyfriends are hard to come by.

IN ANY CASE TAKE CARE ALL OF YOU LOVELY PEOPLE! And let's please STOP focusing on race. I am SO TIRED of being a fetish for dark-skinned men b/c I have blonde hair. Even my ex-boyfriend was obsessed with race and ethnic purity b/c he grew up on the border of Mexico and his parents are French/Spanish, and of some undetermined Mexican origin. This white skinned thing is a HUGE problem in Latin America as well, and caused my ex untold amounts of grief and self-hatred. I grew up in the good ol Midwest where most everyone is white and I have never encountered such racial hangups until I started spending time with non-white people.

[sarah1234]

Just thoughts.

Okay, First of all, WOW!
And secondly, here is my two cents
I have attended two schools, one for undergrad and the second for graduate school. I am an american girl (white, polish, whatever you want to call it) and at both schools I have had Indian men hit on me. And more or less the reason I looked this up and came across this post was because I wanted to know if these guys are hitting on me because they don't respect me and think that I am easy, or if there is something that specifically attracts Indian men to white women. I realize that every guy is different and have met, (what I feel to be), Indian guys that fall into both categories. But my question is, is it common for Indian guys to be very straight forward? I've been asked out twice this week by two separate Indian guys and for lack of a better phrase, they have been "hounding me" to go out with them. I just can't tell if they're just being nice, or if they're looking to get a little.

And just for the record, to all those people that feel that American girls are just trashy, I'm a chubby white girl that has had quite a bit of sex and I think that it shows how close-minded people are to judge indian girls and american girls in the way that they have been compared in these posts. I know Indian and american girls that are skanky and ones that aren't. It's an individual type thing and it all comes down to personal choices. The important thing is to know yourself, and what you want for your life.

[tired]

Is this thread dead? Quite an interesting debate had been going on. Come on folks, lets keep this one going!! No more bitter 'firangis' or white-color obsessed 'desis'? Lets get the ball rolling one more time.

[kelseyh]

I can't believe you people..

Coming from the perspective of an 18 year old, I find half of what's posted in this forum disgusting. In case you all forgot, we are all the human beings.
I'm a white female and i've been dating an Indian man, or boy I guess, for the last year. Maybe we're from a more "civilized" generation than the rest of you, but I know some of the things stated above have never even entered my thought process through my own doing. Maybe it's because I still have some of my innocence left? Who know's, but you people really need to evaluate the vibe your giving out. Is the way you're acting now, what you want your children to grow up to be like? I keep hearing everyone say how educated you are, yet your acting like kids.

To the White women trying to defend themselves. In my personal experience, Indian men need a woman to lean on. It has nothing to do with you being easy or else the man would just be there for pleasure, therefore, not very long. However, Indian women are JUST AS capable at anything as you are. THey were born with the disadvantage of not having white skin to get them out of trouble like we do. We have SOOO many advantages over so many people, so you should be grateful to have white skin by not acting like an ignorant bitch.

To the Indian People going on about how amazing and perfect you and your indian women are, drop it. I thought you were "educated"? If so, you wouldnt be making comparisons like that because you would've realised by now that everyone is the same when it comes down to it. Indian people are amazing, smart, athletic, groundbreaking...but so is everyone else. Just because you need your parents permission for everything doesn't mean everyone else does as that seems to be the main point you argue regarding sex and marriage. As someone talked about before... your brainwashed, just like everyone else. So get over it.


To Indian Men in particular, I honestly don't think I've ever met a wimpier group of people. Those Indian Babes have you wrapped around their fingers! And anything mommy tells you to do, you do in a second! You do it even when your 30! It's not very independant in my opinion, and not to stereotype, but I've never met an indian man under 30 who doesn't live with his parents.. haha

[immihelp]

You came to US 4 years ago, AND you employ more than 60 white people AND you still got time to date 30+ girls!

Unbelievable!!

What do you exactly do, sir?