White girls and Indian guys in the USA

[naughtyus]

I Agree with you

I Agree with you

[bellemor]

My Story

I haven't read everything, but seen enough stereotyping and ignorance to share my story: I'm American and about 3 months ago, my Indian boyfriend of 3 years abandoned me. It seems like he has finally given in to his parents' pressure to marry traditionally (arranged).

Right from the start, he asked me to marry him. I lived for him ever since. When he started postgraduate school I thought there was no way our relationship was going to survive with both of us working and studying, so I quit my studies. I had no idea that being docile, feminine, and devoted was something bad. I thought it was something he'd be proud of. We used to say we were so lucky to have found each other and there was so much complicity between us: We were best friends, buddies, and lovers, and basically just got each other's back all the time. We used to play and laugh a lot, like kids. We studied new things, debated current issues, teased each other about soccer vs cricket! He said he wanted our daughter to look and be just like me (if we had one). We were so happy! I didn't see this coming at all.

I love India dearly: its colors, its culture, its diversity. I embraced it all as my own culture. I couldn't wait to wear saris, the sindhur, even if old fashioned. I worried if it wouldn't look ridiculous with the blond hair and the pale skin. I wanted to make him proud. Things that scare most women here, as a sign of submission, I couldn't wait to do them: Fasting for my husband during Karva Chauth and then drinking and eating from his hands... I thought that was the most romantic thing ever!

Things changed quickly when I asked him when should we start the wedding plans. He became restless, acting as if he was being cornered: trying to pick a fight at any cost, looking for a way out, I think. Then I found out that over there in India, no one had ever heard of me, not even his best friend. Digging a little deeper, I found out that no one even knew he was in a relationship. And then he was gone.

The stress of our breakup was such that my immune system hit bottom low and I became very ill and almost died. I was hospitalized for almost three weeks. He was informed and sent me a single line email wishing me a speedy recovery. Never went to visit me or asked anybody about me or tried to make any further contact. I could have died and it wouldn't have even mattered to him... his disloyalty and for so long... it just broke me into pieces. To the point that now I wish I had died in that hospital so I wouldn't have to deal with this.

It is horrifying to know that I have been used by a guy I thought of as my husband and my best friend. It breaks me to think that I might not be able to trust anybody ever again. Still, I have nothing against Indians (guys or girls) and I wish they wouldn't have anything against Americans and westerners in general. It's individual behavior that should be judged. After having been in love with India and its people for so long, it hurts to read in the 1st page that I'm easy, good to walk over, and an object. Or that it's all about money. We all are complex beings. Stereotypes make it ok to hurt others, based on the perception that they are less than we are. That's just dangerous and so not true!

Ironically, I had scheduled a humanitarian trip to India to work with abandoned women, which I'm not canceling (except for the place where he lives obviously). I figure if I can reach out for others and help others that feel this type of pain (and far worse cause there you usually add extremely poverty to the abandonment or abuse) maybe I will find comfort in the process and maybe even healing.

For those reading this I ask:

-Guys: If you are in the West, things are different. Many girls will have sex with you without commitment. Really, you should never play a girl or call her names because she feels for you the same thing you feel for her. Even if it is just lust. Why do you think you can lust after girls but girls who feel the same are easy and good to walk over?

Think about the bad things you are perpetuating in the world. Think of your mothers and sisters and future daughters before playing someone. We all have to live in the same world. Just for the love of your family, make sure each and every girl you're with knows exactly where she stands with you. Give her a fighting chance and the courtesy of letting her choose fairly. Don't fool her. It might destroy her forever, just like it would destroy an Indian girl. How can one play a girl, destroy her, and at the same time expect different predicament for girls in his family? Not all western women are the same. Some of us still believe in love and family, some don't. Some have casual sex, others don't. And no one deserves to be disrespected for how they chose to live their lives. It is after all, their lives to live. I'm trying to do the same: I refuse to generalize Indian men, based on my personal experience, as racist scoundrels, who play western women for sex, and as mommy boys.

Why should you be disrespectful just because a girl you want to have sex with also wants to have sex with you? Why should you call her easy? We are all free here. Some girls choose to have casual sex just like guys always did all over the world. Some will only have sex if deeply in love and some, only after marriage. But all should be equally respected.

-Girls: If you are in a relationship of any kind, and especially with someone from a different cultural background, make sure both of you want the same thing and that both of you respect each other. Make sure you aren't being used. Run like hell the moment you suspect you are; don't bet your heart. There's no reason or excuse to disrespect someone just because they have different views of the world, but be sure to protect yourself from guys who want to use you. If in a serious relationship, demand to meet his family, close friends and make sure you visit them so that you know if you are accepted or not. And Indian girls: Don't give western girls dirty looks. We are all made of same stuff, we all have the same feelings. Live your life however you choose and allow others to do the same. If you know that a girl is being used, for the love of women's sisterhood, go talk to her. Don't give her looks, don't be silent -- she might not know it. I sure as hell didn't know it. Only now I come to know that this date white women for sex and marry the virgin Indian is somewhat the norm among Indian guys.

I never thought I was in an interracial relationship with an Indian guy. I thought I was in a wonderful relationship with my best friend, future husband, and sweetest guy in the whole world who just happened to come from this amazing place called India. I had no idea I was an object and I wish no one else in the world will ever suffer this type of pain, shame and humiliation. I was raised to judge people by their character and their character alone. I really doubt that guys calling western girls easy would do the same to Indian girls. The sadness that comes with the knowledge that he did this to me just because I was white (something I did not choose and can not change) is just too crushing for words.

Please! People of any race, lifestyle, sex, religion aren't objects. Ever.

Sorry to get so personal here. I thought my story could be illustrative of what it seems to be a very sad and common place situation in Indian guys / white girls relationships, which I was totally oblivious to 'till I fell victim of it. And you can spell fell again in caps.

[muralikumar]

@bellemor

I feel really bad that this happened to you. Reading your post, i feel that that most men would be lucky to meet someone like you. It's sad that he could be so involved in the relationship and yet drop you just like that. I'm indian from india and i would never do this to my girlfriend whether indian or white. My feelings are sincere and if i say something, i mean it 100%. But yes, living in india most of my life, i know some scumbags who are only concerned about themselves and don't give a rat's **** about other people or their feelings. I'm not saying all indians are like this, I've got quite a few friends who would do anything for me and i would do the same for them. I guess you just have to see people for who they are and know who you can trust (not sure if this sounds cliched). Anyway, i hope you find someone (indian or whatever other race) who genuinely cares about you and loves you for who you are.

[balkanlily]

The assumption thought that all white women are easy and think they are god's gift to men is not fair either.

My fiance is about 10 years older than me, from N. India. He is very smart, sweet, and handsome. All of the time he says the reason he wants to marry me is because I am kind, good to his family, and he was my first true boyfriend.

I was raised in strict orthodox household, the idea to date many men never occurred to me and my fiance's nationality had nothing to do with why I finally agreed to go out with him. He was just so smart and funny, he is also caring and considerate.

I just think it is very wrong to assume 1/2 is slutty and the other has an ulterior motive. Sometimes people are just right for each other and the rest does not matter so much.

[mana00]

So sorry to hear your story. I am an Indian girl, now a woman, I have been through your experience during my teenage years, with an Indian guy, who squirmed away when it was time to take the big steps. Some guys are just not good enough .They are not tough enough to go through the steps of commitment required to keep love. I found love in another man from another country, Pakistan, we met here in the US, and I am proud of him for so easily taking the tough steps to have me in his life. We are happily married for 6 years now, and been together for more than 10 years. I see you in the same vulnerable young years that I have been in, and I feel and wish that you will use this experience to soften you not the other way towards love and hence find someone worthy of you.
Warm wishes to a beautiful person that I think you are.

I haven't read everything, but seen enough stereotyping and ignorance to share my story: I'm American and about 3 months ago, my Indian boyfriend of 3 years abandoned me. It seems like he has finally given in to his parents' pressure to marry traditionally (arranged).

Right from the start, he asked me to marry him. I lived for him ever since. When he started postgraduate school I thought there was no way our relationship was going to survive with both of us working and studying, so I quit my studies. I had no idea that being docile, feminine, and devoted was something bad. I thought it was something he'd be proud of. We used to say we were so lucky to have found each other and there was so much complicity between us: We were best friends, buddies, and lovers, and basically just got each other's back all the time. We used to play and laugh a lot, like kids. We studied new things, debated current issues, teased each other about soccer vs cricket! He said he wanted our daughter to look and be just like me (if we had one). We were so happy! I didn't see this coming at all.

I love India dearly: its colors, its culture, its diversity. I embraced it all as my own culture. I couldn't wait to wear saris, the sindhur, even if old fashioned. I worried if it wouldn't look ridiculous with the blond hair and the pale skin. I wanted to make him proud. Things that scare most women here, as a sign of submission, I couldn't wait to do them: Fasting for my husband during Karva Chauth and then drinking and eating from his hands... I thought that was the most romantic thing ever!

Things changed quickly when I asked him when should we start the wedding plans. He became restless, acting as if he was being cornered: trying to pick a fight at any cost, looking for a way out, I think. Then I found out that over there in India, no one had ever heard of me, not even his best friend. Digging a little deeper, I found out that no one even knew he was in a relationship. And then he was gone.

The stress of our breakup was such that my immune system hit bottom low and I became very ill and almost died. I was hospitalized for almost three weeks. He was informed and sent me a single line email wishing me a speedy recovery. Never went to visit me or asked anybody about me or tried to make any further contact. I could have died and it wouldn't have even mattered to him... his disloyalty and for so long... it just broke me into pieces. To the point that now I wish I had died in that hospital so I wouldn't have to deal with this.

It is horrifying to know that I have been used by a guy I thought of as my husband and my best friend. It breaks me to think that I might not be able to trust anybody ever again. Still, I have nothing against Indians (guys or girls) and I wish they wouldn't have anything against Americans and westerners in general. It's individual behavior that should be judged. After having been in love with India and its people for so long, it hurts to read in the 1st page that I'm easy, good to walk over, and an object. Or that it's all about money. We all are complex beings. Stereotypes make it ok to hurt others, based on the perception that they are less than we are. That's just dangerous and so not true!

Ironically, I had scheduled a humanitarian trip to India to work with abandoned women, which I'm not canceling (except for the place where he lives obviously). I figure if I can reach out for others and help others that feel this type of pain (and far worse cause there you usually add extremely poverty to the abandonment or abuse) maybe I will find comfort in the process and maybe even healing.

For those reading this I ask:

-Guys: If you are in the West, things are different. Many girls will have sex with you without commitment. Really, you should never play a girl or call her names because she feels for you the same thing you feel for her. Even if it is just lust. Why do you think you can lust after girls but girls who feel the same are easy and good to walk over?

Think about the bad things you are perpetuating in the world. Think of your mothers and sisters and future daughters before playing someone. We all have to live in the same world. Just for the love of your family, make sure each and every girl you're with knows exactly where she stands with you. Give her a fighting chance and the courtesy of letting her choose fairly. Don't fool her. It might destroy her forever, just like it would destroy an Indian girl. How can one play a girl, destroy her, and at the same time expect different predicament for girls in his family? Not all western women are the same. Some of us still believe in love and family, some don't. Some have casual sex, others don't. And no one deserves to be disrespected for how they chose to live their lives. It is after all, their lives to live. I'm trying to do the same: I refuse to generalize Indian men, based on my personal experience, as racist scoundrels, who play western women for sex, and as mommy boys.

Why should you be disrespectful just because a girl you want to have sex with also wants to have sex with you? Why should you call her easy? We are all free here. Some girls choose to have casual sex just like guys always did all over the world. Some will only have sex if deeply in love and some, only after marriage. But all should be equally respected.

-Girls: If you are in a relationship of any kind, and especially with someone from a different cultural background, make sure both of you want the same thing and that both of you respect each other. Make sure you aren't being used. Run like hell the moment you suspect you are; don't bet your heart. There's no reason or excuse to disrespect someone just because they have different views of the world, but be sure to protect yourself from guys who want to use you. If in a serious relationship, demand to meet his family, close friends and make sure you visit them so that you know if you are accepted or not. And Indian girls: Don't give western girls dirty looks. We are all made of same stuff, we all have the same feelings. Live your life however you choose and allow others to do the same. If you know that a girl is being used, for the love of women's sisterhood, go talk to her. Don't give her looks, don't be silent -- she might not know it. I sure as hell didn't know it. Only now I come to know that this date white women for sex and marry the virgin Indian is somewhat the norm among Indian guys.

I never thought I was in an interracial relationship with an Indian guy. I thought I was in a wonderful relationship with my best friend, future husband, and sweetest guy in the whole world who just happened to come from this amazing place called India. I had no idea I was an object and I wish no one else in the world will ever suffer this type of pain, shame and humiliation. I was raised to judge people by their character and their character alone. I really doubt that guys calling western girls easy would do the same to Indian girls. The sadness that comes with the knowledge that he did this to me just because I was white (something I did not choose and can not change) is just too crushing for words.

Please! People of any race, lifestyle, sex, religion aren't objects. Ever.

Sorry to get so personal here. I thought my story could be illustrative of what it seems to be a very sad and common place situation in Indian guys / white girls relationships, which I was totally oblivious to 'till I fell victim of it. And you can spell fell again in caps.

[gana_ps]

Indian men are not honest

Just don't be with them. Indian men do not get sex until they get married, therefore they are horney and bastards mother ****ers.

[m2ition]

o_O

this is a long disturbing thread!

I am american, I am mixed...half polynesian, half french. i.e. kindof brown.

I am interpreting the Indian responses as simply being proud of their culture. I know the US is a considerably juvenile country in comparison, but as many have said, people are people. No different. We are as proud of our country as you express of yours.

I view myself as an open minded person, sometimes it's misconstrued as too independent or haughty, when i'm simply blunt and respect people enough to be honest.

When I see such blatant bigots on here, desperately trying to explain how they are right, and others who are responding as being wrong...exactly what is that accomplishing for you? Is you incessant need to be right negate the fact that you are speaking to ppl as if they are inferior? I am sure, last time I checked, we all have the same body parts, organs, and function in the same way.

It's not a big deal if we have different cultures, i don't think of myself as promiscuous simply bcuz it's taken me time to find the right person for me, i.e. i've dated several people. If I settled for the first person I was with, as a young girl, I would be submitting my life to abuse. We all view sex differently, some use it to gain material things, some view it as their ultimate expression of love, some view it as a fascination they must get out of their systems. (think someone called that horny bastards...LOL) For me, I'd had several partners, and wish I could have changed that. When I met my husband, he was a virgin and it was such a beautiful quality. When you have multiple partners, in my view as a female, it's painful in the end when things don't work out. You give a part of yourself to the person you are with, and at some point, it just hurts to realize what a bad choice it was.

I live in a predominately white community, people of different ethnicities are looked down on. So, honestly, the women complaining about the "looks" they are given, must not be seeing the looks other mulitcultural couples receive as well from ppl in our own country. Ignorance resides everywhere.

However I do realize the fact that using the word "easy" is simply a way of expressing an action due to it being taboo in Indian culture to say something else....yet, americans view that term as a derrogatory offensive term...so, if you have issues with americans or anyone of different cultures saying offensive terms to you, perhaps you should realize the differences in us all and not use that as a description. Just a thought?

Thank you all for the interesting opinions...it's been "enlightening".

[MaryJane49]

Why do Indian men in USA bother white women?

I am an American girl who is always being harassed by a man from India or Pakistan. (can't tell the difference). I know an Indian women who's husband is cheating on her while she is living with him. Are all Indian men cheats? They tell us white women that they will never leave us and then they force themselves on us by raping us. Look at the police stats if you think I'm lying. They are very sexually promiscuous. More than any other nationality. Tell Indian men to leave us alone. If one talks to me, I won't answer him. They think they are so intelligent but in reality they can't even spell in English and are all liars.

[vishakp89]

:-(

@ bellamore...post no. 92 , I am so deeply saddened regarding whatever cat*****phe you had to face in your life. I can understand the pain involved with regard to the contretemps you had to face. However, there might be a few scumbug arses ,i am sure not all of them would do that to a nice girl like you. I pray that you realize it was never your loss, someone special is still waiting for you. I am sure you would have a great family life, a great husband and great kids. Contemporaneously, take this incident which must have made you so enormously stronger. Be a brave woman, cheer up. Love must happen again,and dont worry, there s someone true enough for everyone of us, so is for you. I feel pity for the guy, I bet , though I am an indian, that his wife cannot be better than a lady like you in any way! You just seemed to be with a narcisstic guy.. There are plenty of indian men who marry interacially, and live to be old with their ladies. Nevertheless, you need to start concentrating on your studies and work once again, when the almighty wants, you shall have true love in your life. Be strong. And get over the feeling that you were used, just that you were being such a nice woman. And the guy proved to be a guy who will get his phase when the time comes. Be strong. Cheer up . This is all a part of life. I myself have gone through it and I understand. Dont rush into a relationm next time, thinking abruptly of a marriage. Take it slow and you will have the true man... Take care and never say die :-)

[vishakp89]

:-(

And yeah, I dont contradict the existence of dumb dicks , yet not every indian or racially different person thinks of the white girl as easy. I am very repugnant to stereotyping and branding someone just because they are racially different. The guy in this case just din seen to know the value of love, thats it. Nevertheless, life must go on pal. And you must become stronger. Dnt let the beatitude and benevolence inside you make you weak, evolve it so much that the world wants to be forever with you for the person you are! You rock :-)

[vishakp89]

:-(

And yeah. .just because I can identify myself with the situation which you had to go through, just to make sure that you do just fine and end up being cherub again... These were some of the things which I did, to get over a similar relationship With a shitty gal. Start working out in the gym, maintain a healthy lifestyle, deliberately stay very focussed on your career. Open your mind to spirituality. Cultivate love for all mankind and almighty's creation. And finally pray and say it to god " I know whatever you give me is for my best. And I know that you are with me, come whatever. " on a very pleasant note, I finally leave:-D and wish you from my heart so much the very best in your life. Lifes waiting for you. Rock on:-)

[mimos84]

Dear Editor:

I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Indian male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to an Indian male, good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Indian female's attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Indian women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Indian men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world If Indian women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Indian men about why we white women are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius,Berry Gordy, BillyBlanks, Larry Fishburne, Jesley Snipes...I could go on and on.
But,right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us.

Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Indian men, let me know.

Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA.
------------------------------------------------------------
The Response:

Dear Editor:

I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl.

Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old Indian man. I studied from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful Non-White men. I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why Indian men date white women.

Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why Indian men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The Indian girls in my neighborhood were raised traditionally. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls. Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of Indian males date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of Indian men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our Indian women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many Indian men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous Indian men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women.

I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful Indian men date white women. Non-Whites like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut,Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth 'Babyface' Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong Non-White women. And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire Non-White women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don't want the 'Disgusted White Girl' to be misinformed.

Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when Non-White Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history! It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was Non-White women who were breastfeeding and raising your babies during slavery. It is the Non-White woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail.

Indian women were born with two strikes against them: being Non-White and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise!

It is because of the Indian women's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my Indian Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colours and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about Indian women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with Indian women.

I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin. If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the Non-White woman has.

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understand my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.

No offense taken, none given.

Signed,
Indian Royalty.[/QUOTE]


Both of u, first of all I will introduce myself, I´m spanish girl, aged 26. Not virgin, single, and with 2 long relationships (7 and 3 years with spanish men, thats all about men in my life) and what I think about sexuality it´s that this is the most pretious gift before marriage I can give and share with the man I love and expect to be my husband, and later the way to give him the most pretious gift in marriage and in life: sons and daughters. I´m very untrustful to men wanting only sex in general and I´m very hard and strict to them in many senses not only in sex. I´m very sincere in my personal feelings and opinions to men and people in general. About men if I don´t feel I can trust on them, I don´t sleep with them and if I feel the relationship could become more serious in time I like to let them know about my character: I´m very hard, and very untrustful woman, if you want something serious I expect from u to be sincere and be patient, I think I´m a good person with many things to improve just like everybody and with a clear values scale. I could become cute, tender, sensitive, understanding, open minded, responsible, not selfish about other needs and I like to take care about the people I really love, I value emotional bounds and family relationships more than all in my life, but if u cheat on me u will get a kick in your ***, I can be -in fact I am- very strict, disciplinated, and with a very strong character (even agressive when I need it) to take important decissions when it is need not to use the emotions for that. So you decide what is worth to u... Of course, things can go wrong only because we don´t fit each other but I want u to know what can u expect from me.
So, about men, If they want to **** they can find another innocent woman to cheat through beatiful words... But I can make mistakes, as I did with the indian guy I met.
We were dating for few months (4 months) with an indian guy from Chennai. He broke my heart, he talked to me about marrying, having babies, raising children... (I guess this is the way u indian men get the control through white women, by cheating them with beautiful words and promises u know u wont comply and u look very sincere because you are very used to express emotions and feelings). He really seemed to be in love with me (he had a pic from me in his wallet all this time), but as I knew from him I was the first woman in his life, so I try to respect his rithm as much as possible (I was leting him being in control and deciding about the rithm relationship in everything), not saying him that I loved him (although to me now I realize he was the first man I really fall in love with and I wanted to share my whole life with him) to let him get everything so clearly. When I asked him what I mean to him he only said to me: "Let the time decide", ok, then I have to be patient. He got his first kiss 15 days after our meeting in the bus, he asked me for it so I gave it to him; otherwise I will get the control about sexual intimacy. One month we meet at the bus, he asked me directly to have sexual intimacy, I told him what I thought: You´re not prepared 4 that, and it is very soon in the relationship. Then I realiced I shouldn´t have said that, so I thought: Ok, I´m going to let you know by yourself. We went, and he tried to have sex to me, but he lost his arousal because he was very nervous. I explained him it didn´t matter, and asked him if he was nervous, he said yes. I told him not to be worried about that, it was somethin normal in the first time. Then I asked him what else he was feeling and he told me: "Mother care".
In time, he began to avoid having sexual intimacy, he was so scared.
I pressed him a bit and a bit more and at the end he lost his virginity with me. Nothing from the other world. So, the biter, bitten.
In time, he told me for him love was a question of respect, responsability, trust, knowledge and I taught him many things about women, tender, love, intimacy, respect, trust, self-confidence...
And a question of commitment for all the life, and he told me at one point in our relationship that if things were like until now that commitment from him was very near in time. She got it from me from the beginning.
From this chat, I wrote him this mail:
Ey!!!!! I´ve been thinking about all the conversation from the other day...
I want you to know some things:

1. 143... as I told you. I know you still have to know me in many senses. Let the time decide.

2. I want to build a whole life with u. I know this maybe is something more complicated 2 u and I guess more scary (maybe I´m wrong) than to take care of your family now which means come back to your country, your family, your culture... your roots, what u know perfectly well; the other thing is maybe face the future full of doubts, fears... but not only to u, even to me.
That´s what I felt the other day when you got that puzzle piece and started to put it in my face. You don´t know how we could fit, that piece seemed to be you on that moment.

3. I want u to be happy, and if 4 u being happy means take care of your family, go ahead! I think this is something very nobel from u to them. But don´t forget maybe you would like in the future to raise your own family and I don´t want to be in the middle of two fires... I don´t want to force u to choose between me and your family because probably both are necessary 2 u to become happy.
I guess u will need a time to make clear what I mean 2 u... I realize maybe I only was a stop in your way, another way of knowing my culture, my world... If I´m all right, please, next time I recommend u not to talk to a woman about marryng her, raising a family... although u could imagine how it would be, If u really are not sure about that. This is something very serious and u could hurt her without pretending.
Maybe I mean something else, the only one who could know about this it´s u... What I know now, as u told me is that I won´t be the most important thing in your life... at least for a time and who knows maybe in the future either. Ok, I only ask u one thing try to make a little effort to have time to talk throug skype or to write me e-mails telling me how are u and how things are developing.

4. BE A GOOD FINDER!!!!!! U WILL NEED A GOAL FOR THAT, YOUR OWN GOAL FOR UR LIFE. Growing as human beings is a dutie as u told me but to grow we have to know to where...

5. Don´t forget to check your ADD when u get back home (health is first as u told me many times), I guess this wont take u more than 4 or 5 hours with the psychologist. If I´m right, you will need to take some medication that will help u better to focus on things, to achieve in all your potential, to feel less tired, and to feel more calm in your inner world. And if I´m right, DON´T DRINK TOO MUCH!!!! We are specially weak to develop an alcohol dependency.

6. Please, stop thinking about all the risks u could find in the way of this new project. I guess this is what you will do when you get back home... but thinking a bit:
I don´t know how much time will take 2u to go to university I mean hours per week attending to lessons... maybe in India is different from Spain but none of my engeneer friends (and they are very very very very intelligent, most of them higly gifted) had much more time to start and carry on well a business, and take care of the family at the same time, and work for a company... The University took most of their time. Don´t missunderstand me I trust on your potential, I REALLY TRUST ON YOU, but I guess u will have to tidy your ideas first, and decide which is the most important thing 4u to do now.
Have u think which kind of business u would like to begin? Have u think which ammount of money u will need to start? Have u make numbers about predictions in how long u could begin to have benefits? Have u think from where u´re going to get the money u will need to start the business? Have u ever work before with ur brother-in-law and do u know how does he work to trust enough on him? In my experience if your brother in law has a problem with the alcohol the FIRST thing to do it´s follow a program to leave alcohol and once the non-dependency (abstenence, be able of not to drind nothing and control your impulses to drink), only then find a job.
What u would do if things go wrong because of him as an employee? This are things that really could happen... and u have to know about that. And I know I don´t have the total truth and things could go sometimes fine, sometimes very well and not as good as you would like other times.

7. ONE MORE THING... I LOVE U

Cya.

And this what I got from him as an answer:
Thank you........

You are right, I am not ready for a serious relationship. I have to prepare myself before I start anything serious with anybody.

You mean a very good person to me. But I dont think that We will make a good family. And from the next time I will not speak about making kids or making a family with any woman. Only after I decide that she is the one I am going to live with forever I will do speak.
I am sorry for that.

And about my family, That is how things work in INDIA. We help each other among the family, we value the relationship and the emotional bond more than money and security about the future. Even if I loss all my money and belongings because of my family and relations, I wont worry about it. I will earn and save more money than I lose, because I have the courage and I have a very strong heart.

For sure I will be keep calling you and will be speaking with you in skype or through any other possible ways.

You are a beautiful woman, you deserve better than me.

Once again Thank you.

In time I realized he only wanted to explore in sex, my hole was the important thing in the relationship. I was someone who cross his life, that was all. Because he will be back to India and will let his mum to choose a traditional indiam woman that could satisfies all his desires, orders... a woman that could adapt totally to him (that was what he told me), "an-everything-say-yes-and-not-thinking-woman" as I told him. He gave to me the reason about this point, but he tried to explained me once you get married "there is not me and you, there is us" (for that u have to be in equal conditions and I figure out indian women are not, talking about this guy he won´t allow his wife to work out of the home, so she couldn´t share her salary with her husband). What I said to him was: When u domain someone, that it is not possible, this is not US this is YOU. If you want your wife to be happy you have to count on her desires, needs and respect her in her decissions even if you don´t like them or if you don´t understand them.
Again he gave me the reason. Then I accepted what he wants in his life is to marry a traditional indian woman to be his slave, he told me he preffer a woman that know everything in the indian culture from her origins... He wasn´t mature enough to face a mix marriage, even either an indian marriage.
Ok, then go and build your life I told him.
Just after this mail I got from him he still is bastard enough to ask me for sex while I was having a nap in his room...
He told me now he had lost his virginity he wanted to explore more about sex...
He came here scaping from his mum, and the traditional marriage. He felt he wasn´t mature enough for that (normal, if you are not allowed to know men or women throguh relationships before marriage, how u could decide if he or she fits 2 u? U have to learn about it maybe with the wrong person and on wheels, once you get married and with no possibility -because of the social stigma of divorce in India- to go back in time). Here we decide what we want about marriage and about life, our parents only can give us advices about our wife/husband and their personal opinion.

So, let me know If I´m not the kind of indian woman you´re talking about, and my now-indian-friend is not talking about the white women prototype you are talking about...
Indian Royalty, I have a question 2u, have u ever dated an indian woman before this little chat? It seems as if You were talking bout theories, and stereotypes about indian women. I will show it 2 u clearly: "It is because indian women´s strenght, elegance, power, love... is why I have fallen in love with indian women". I think this personalitie characteristics depends on every person, and the colour skin doesn´t matter. So please, don´t be so simple, both of u...

[lighthouse]

faithful

well i'm also from the same place mimos84..from chennai
i'm so sorry this happened to you ..

this is my comment why indian men are looking or behaving like this to you!
leeme explain.....all must have watched slumdog millionaire ...after that u must have thought india is a bad place ...sort of ugly all over ....but that is not the case here ...
that is the bad side of india
.....if u take a movie ..hollyhood movies . there is no such good movies that show good about a women in america or britan ..if u take a movie like 007 stuff . He has sex with lot of girls ...maybe without knowing who they are .
in that matter lotss of movies comes under it ...this makes thinks that u will f**k anyone ..i'm sorry ..i mean have sex with anyone who u like ...media destroys some ppl .
Well i wanna ask some question ...i've heard from my friends relation who married white or black ....who in usa. womens don't wait for men ..i mean if there is a small kinda fight women just break up with men and find another !

is that so?
does white women will be faithful ..?
sorry if i'm blunt i just wanna ask ....

[lighthouse]

mimos84
you are an awesome women ,,,
after reading these forum thread only i just came to know that there are lotsssssssssss of beautiful and good and faithful girls in this world!

"THERE WAS NEVER A FAIR WOMEN WITH TRUE FACE"

[diwas]

sorry to hear your story

im really sorry to hear about you...... that man would have been the luckiest of any men i would know had he not done that to you... its his loss to loose you. not all indian men are like that.. but most of all think every western girl are loose charactered. im not an indian and i hold no grudges of any kind to any indian or india....but id like you not to come up with a general idea that every foreigner or asian men have the same kind of perception about westerners.......
may be theres someone else who's worth your love.......not him.. peace