Advice on marrying an American girl

[qpzm1234]

Hi all,
I am Indian and have been dating this white American girl for almost a year. I told my parents about this and they object not becauase she is American but because they worry that it might end up hurting me as American girls are likely to divorce you. We both really love each other and thats why I told my parents. I wouldnt have otherwise. The other thing that bothers my parents is that my gf's mom is a divorcee. They think my gf would do something like her mom.

I read on a lot of forums that Indian-American marriages go through lots of issues/hurdles. I want to know what those are.

[rayb]

Cultural, especially family interference, are the biggest problems with inter-ethnic relationships. I have been involved in two such relationships and such conflicts were daily events...over a combined total of 36 years (Mexican and Filipino). But problems I had were dwarfed by problems other people I know have experienced with Chinese-White relationships. I believe that you, an Indian, may expect even more interference from family and non-family Indians, who seem to have even more serious objections to miscegenation than other groups.

--Ray B

Hi all,
I am Indian and have been dating this white American girl for almost a year. I told my parents about this and they object not becauase she is American but because they worry that it might end up hurting me as American girls are likely to divorce you. We both really love each other and thats why I told my parents. I wouldnt have otherwise. The other thing that bothers my parents is that my gf's mom is a divorcee. They think my gf would do something like her mom.

I read on a lot of forums that Indian-American marriages go through lots of issues/hurdles. I want to know what those are.

[qpzm1234]

Thanks, Ray. When you say such conflicts were a daily occurrence, what exactly do you mean? Was it the kind of food they cooked for you, was it the way they talked?
Trying to understand how culture can break a relationship.

[rayb]

"Conflicts" was probably too harsh a term. "Misunderstandings" and communication problems describe it better.

In addition, though, I believe that the Indian community (in the U.S. and abroad) is less tolerant of mixed relationships and marriage.

One of the most common complaints I hear from Americans who have had relationship problems with spouses from other countries are problems with the foreign spouse's relatives, family.

But at a more specific level, simple things like "English as a second language" misuse will sometimes cause blown-out arguments if one's tolerance level is already low. With Hispanic and Filipino folks, misuse of gender (he/she) is one of the most obvious examples, and is even kind of cute the first couple of years. But when a serious misunderstanding results from her saying "he," when she meant "she," at a time when it is really important to "get it right," the problem can escalate. Misuse of prepositions (before, to, between, etc.) got me in arguments with service employees when the message I received contained the wrong preposition.

Many couples eventually stabilize food differences and the typical family meal becomes a hybrid of cultures. On the other hand, some American guys refuse to accept the needs of their foreign wives to have their own food and will criticize or forbid the wife from cooking the wife's style of food for the husband. When seeing immigration-required narratives for self-petitions of divorced women, problems with husbands' intolerance of non-American foods was right on top of the complaints about the husbands.

On the other hand, the process of understanding each other over the course of the marriage can lead to greater mutual respect for the differences and make for stronger, richer relationships.

--Ray B

Thanks, Ray. When you say such conflicts were a daily occurrence, what exactly do you mean? Was it the kind of food they cooked for you, was it the way they talked?
Trying to understand how culture can break a relationship.

[ramz]

Advice on marrying an American girl

True talk RayB that's what lead to my divorce with my Chinese ex husband , too much problem from he's parents. I had to bite my tongue for 10 years untill I had enough, one thing I can tell you with marrying an America is that they let you be yourself and the family have no right over who they marry and personal life am happy with my now American husband cos he just accept me for who I am and never let he's family say anything about me.so I still believe people can marry who ever they want the both couples just have to make sure their families don't interfere. Goodluck...

[qpzm1234]

Thanks again Ray and Ramz. I guess what you guys are saying is him/her should accept who you are and your culture.
Ramz, what made his family dislike you? Outfits, lifestyle, hanging out with other guy friends? I feel I need to explain my parents what to expect because they have, obviously, no clue what an American girl is like. They know American girls from the way they show it on TV.

[Earlytomato]

I'm engaged to a white American girl. We have been together for 4 years. My advice would not rush into marriage with anyone. We have been engaged for half a year and don't plan on getting married for another year. We have been living together for 9 months, I would highly recommend living together before deciding to get married. It a major life decision and living together is a great relationship test and a must in my opinion.

[emma-ritter]

According to me, if you both wants to live together and wants to get married so you don't need to afraid from obstacles. But definitely you should aware from all the things regarding "Marrying an american girl". I have observe many couples that related to the same situation so i think every couple always remember that we don't hesitate to share all each other feelings so that both partners know more about each other.

Trying to understand each other and keep patients on your relationship. Many relationships are arise for the same but every couples need to understand their relationship because every relationship based on trust, loyalty and patients.

Don't worry, if you love each other and wants to stay together through out the life so you will definitely live together. Good luck!